I want to mark this day in some way. I want to parent her, so these rituals are a proxy for holding her, raising her. I had wanted to have this finished last year, but couldn't. I fell to pieces each time I tried. This year, I could face this project and finally finish it, though seeing the picture of my husband reading Goodnight Moon to Eva just about guts me.
This started as an online journal in early 2006. At the time, it was a carefree spot for silly diatribes and the occasional photo. Since then, I got pregnant with mono.amniotic mono.chorionic twins, learned one of our daughters had a heart defect, spent 11 weeks in a hospital room and 29 more days with Eva in the NICU and PICU before losing her. We have two children who are alive and thriving and one who didn't make it. For me, this has become that place in between.
It's beautiful. And very, very sad.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful girl. I'm just so sorry. So sorry that Eva's story didn't have a different ending.
ReplyDeleteI can see why it was so difficult to finish this project. Thinking of you and your family today xo
Beautiful. Thinking of all of you today. With love.
ReplyDeleteThinking of your precious Eva today.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Thinking of you and Eva and wishing you love.
ReplyDeleteAudrey,
ReplyDeleteI just came over here from Still Life. My firstborn, Dylan, was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Right Heart, so I know how rare a baby Eva was! She is absolutely beautiful!
Thank you for sharing your precious daughter,
Kat @ In Dylan's Memory