Every day, I spend hours thinking about Eva. Each day I awake with a single desire -- to fully map the terrain and boundaries of my grief. I just want to know where it begins ... and where it ends. So on a daily basis I run my fingers through it. I go over it and through it. I come up with daily metaphors to try to understand it. But I always come up with very little. Almost nothing.
I want to create something good out of loss. I would endure any ruin to have her back, but short of that, I am desperate to have something good in her name and memory.
call all good things Eva
This started as an online journal in early 2006. At the time, it was a carefree spot for silly diatribes and the occasional photo. Since then, I got pregnant with mono.amniotic mono.chorionic twins, learned one of our daughters had a heart defect, spent 11 weeks in a hospital room and 29 more days with Eva in the NICU and PICU before losing her. We have two children who are alive and thriving and one who didn't make it. For me, this has become that place in between.
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