The interminable march of days ahead

When Eva first died, I thought I could handle the grief. The initial pain was searing, a great shock, but I felt that I could make room for the weight of my grief. It could find a space in which to settle in. But I had people around me then. They knew I was grieving and expected and nurtured my grief. It's been 3 months and 10 days. It's harder now in some ways. I feel as though my window to grieve is closing. The time to "move on" has come. I have nowhere to move on to without this beautiful baby of mine who will never grow.